It has been a ROUGH week over here… and it’s not even halfway through… I am fortunate to have been given the week mostly off from work, but at 38 weeks pregnant with a toddler at home, it hardly feels like a vacation. Not to mention the fact that we had a COVID scare in the family so we are quarantining until the New Year and don’t have any help with childcare. Thankfully Harper, Hubs and I all tested negative but we still want to be super cautious with the new baby coming any time now.
Today was especially rough as Hubs had a lot of work to do so wasn’t able to help out as much. Harper slept like crap last night (Nick got up with her 2 of the 3 times she woke up) and I think pregnancy insomnia has kicked in so all three of us were running on fumes today. Random things kept triggering meltdowns from Harper: I wouldn’t let her have a 3rd applesauce pouch before 9am, she didn’t want the breakfast sausage on her plate but rather the one on Nick’s plate, she wanted to sit on our lap instead of in her chair for breakfast and lunch, Woody’s hat wouldn’t stay on his head, I wouldn’t let her play on the window ledge, and the list goes on. I’ve also reached the point in this pregnancy that it is literally painful to lift her up and getting down on her level is also not easy so dealing with these meltdowns was challenging to say the least.
The few times when Nick came down from the office to fill up his coffee or water cup and give me a small breaks, I closed myself in the laundry room to gather myself and shed a few tears of frustration. When it was finally naptime, I had a chance to reflect a bit on this year and the morning I had…
I quickly realized that this is the last work free week I will have before the new baby is here. The last week that I will be able to focus all my attention on my little girl. Before we know it, we will have another family member here and the whole dynamic in this house is going to change. While this is so exciting and I cannot wait to meet our little guy, it’s also a bit sad to think that I won’t be able to give H my full attention anymore.
All of this is to say that I am trying to make a conscious effort to stop wishing this season of life away. I want to stop saying, “I can’t wait until Harper can do this” or “It’ll be better once that happens.” I even found myself thinking that I can’t wait until this new baby is old enough to be able to play with his sister. He hasn’t even been born yet, and I am rushing past his newborn days! Anyone else guilty of this?
Aside from the motherhood struggles, I think everyone (including myself) has been wishing for this year to be over, for COVID to go away and for things to get back to normal. While this year has been a crazy rollercoaster with so many horrible things happening, I am also trying to remember that some really great things happened this year too.
Then I got to thinking about the small things I have to be thankful for RIGHT NOW. Here are a few of mine, and I encourage you to stop and think about this as well.
- My family is healthy.
- I have spent pretty much every single day at home with my husband and daughter this year. During this time, Harper has learned and grown so much and I didn’t miss any of it.
- We had our first big snow of the year today.
- My husband is so supportive and has taken on pretty much all of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry duties around the house and takes over watching Harper as much as he can. He does all of this with ZERO complaints.
- Harper has started trying to sing along with the music and it is adorable.
- I got to take a hot shower today. (This may seem silly to some, but IYKYK)
- Nick made me a quesadilla for dinner tonight without any prompting. He knows that pretty much nothing sounds good to me right now, but this is one thing I will never turn down.
- Baby boy is healthy and ACTIVE in my belly, and I get to meet him soon!
- My Yiayia (grandma) is recovering from COVID and got moved back to her normal room in the nursing home.
- Nick’s parents are both recovering from COVID and are feeling better every day.
While I know stopping to think about these things when I’m having a bad day will not solve everything, I am hoping it will help me to slow down and realize that THESE are the days. Today, right now. We are lucky to have these days that we are currently living. While it may not seem like these days should be cherished or will be ones that we will look back on and wish we could relive, they are important days that will shape us as humans. The challenges of today are going to make me a better mom and a stronger human. I am going to make a conscious effort to adopt this mindset moving forward.
Not sure about you, but I am one of those people to HAVE TO get my feelings out. I am not someone who can keep it inside when I’m upset. I can’t work through it silently in my head. I have to talk it out. Which is maybe why I felt a blog is something I needed. It feels cathartic to write it all down, like having a good cry.
P.S. Please don’t take this as me complaining. I am fully aware of how freaking lucky we are to have our health, a beautiful little girl at home with us and another baby on the way. I know that there are so many other people out there with much bigger challenges facing them right now. I am putting this out there in case someone else can relate and might feel a little less alone.